Happy New Year!!
I posted yesterday on Facebook that I hope it's a happy, healthy and uneventful 2012. Of course, I want plenty of fun and positive events to occur in my life and each day lately has been full of them. But if I have to settle for uneventful, then I'll be okay with that, too. May 2012 see a healthy, sober, joyous, new ME. No hospital rooms. No detoxes. No broken relationships. No unemployment. Ironically, status quo would be an enjoyable change!
All of that worry about moving into a new apartment? Completely gone! I woke up early this morning and thought, "New Year's morning and I don't have a pounding headache. I'll get a headstart on moving!" I walked into the new apartment and...
Nothing is complete.
Not only is nothing complete, it looks like the landlord was busy having a few beers while working... which might be why nothing is complete. Hey, no judgment from me. I'm sure he was working yesterday on New Years Eve. Still, all he needed to do was give me a call to let me know it wouldn't be ready. I very easily could have arranged my plans and given him additional time. Instead, I have no kitchen, I may have no bathroom, and there's an open 18-pack sitting in my fridge. I moved a few things in, not many, and found myself cleaning beer cans off my window sills.
It bothers me to an extent. I don't mind the 18-pack or the fact that he was drinking. What bothers me is the behavior, which I can identify and I know I exhibited. Cleaning beer cans from my windows? That's a little irritating. Bring them to the sink, clean them out, put them in the recycling... not hard. The fact that he was drinking and didn't call me to alert me to the delay? That's far more irritating. I can't tell you how many phone calls I avoided and how irresponsible I was, even when I only had a couple of drinks in my system. That's usually all it takes for people to say, "Baaaaaah, f it! I'll give the guy a call tomorrow!" And then tomorrow comes and there's still no phone call.
But I'm very grateful to have options. See - it WAS nice that the apartment is close to my parents' home! I have plenty of people who have offered me their assistance, either with moving or with a place to stay while this is getting sorted. It also made me rethink exactly what I needed to move versus what I wanted to move. You mean I can live without TV for a few days?? My God! It was nice to move some furniture today and listen to the game on my clock radio. There was something peaceful about it.
I knew I was going to need a boost with the changes occurring, so I got my tail back into the SMART Recovery forums, too. SMART Recovery evolved from rational emotive behavioral training and is an entirely different way of looking at substance abuse when compared to 12-step programs. They feel that we have the power to control our addictions by modifying our behavior alone, which flies in the face of many AA tenets. It's simply a matter of reshaping and retraining our thinking, which I've mentioned many times. I agree with the principles of SMART and use its tools every day to identify and stop irrational behavior (iB). It's another support forum and I need all the help I can get.
But its lack of spiritual focus keeps me attending AA meetings. I was immensely thankful to start my New Years Day with a meeting this morning. There's nothing like walking into a room, a non bar room, and have everyone know your name. The hugs and handshakes have no equal. It's an extended family that I can call upon at any time.
You know... I started this entry by listing a lot of the 'bads' that happened in 2011, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I learned an awful lot from those experiences and I've made deeper friendships than I've ever had in my life. 2011 is the reason I'm blogging. 2011 taught me to open up a little more than I have in the past. The year brought a lot of pain, yet also the pleasure of so many things. 2011 played an important part in my life, whether I liked it all or not. My heart's bigger for it.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." - Stendhal
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