Dream Lovin'

Once upon a time, I met a girl.

I met a girl on a day that was beautifully ordinary.  The sun was shining and the sky was blue.  The air was neither hot nor cold and I gave it no notice on this day.  Everything was tame, so as not to distract me from what was truly important.

I don't remember the color of her eyes, though I know they were dark.  If I had to guess, I would say they were hazel, because I like hazel eyes.  They were a perfect compliment - to her and to me.  They accentuated an already lovely face and, at the same time, told me how special I was to them.  They saw into me, not through me, and made me feel welcome.

Her expressions were soft.  They were comfortable.  I could stare at them for hours and not get lost.  They put me at ease and let me know exactly where I was, safe and loved.  When I'm lost, I get anxious.  Anxiety vanished around this girl.  I could never be lost with her.

The smile she gave told me what I had wanted to hear my entire life.  I was with someone of the utmost sincerity and honesty.  Never again would I have to worry about hidden emotion or hurtful words.  Everything was in plain view.  I saw it all exposed without a hint of embarrassment, shyness or worry.  She was giving me all of her and I was happy to give her all of me.

We laughed together that day, but it wasn't the laughter itself that was special.  It was the way we laughed.  It was in our mannerisms, our breathing and the tilting of our heads in sync with each other.  It all seemed to pick up her hair and flirt with it, tossing it.  Long, straight, dark brown hair - it was ordinary and incredibly striking at once.

This girl was perfect in every way, but only for me.  Her dress was non-descript, yet captured her as it flowed.  Her hands were warm in mine and every time we took a step, it felt right.  No one else could hold her hands and feel the same way.  The reverse was true, as well.  Our hands were home in each other.

What I knew instantly was that she loved me for me.  I didn't have to worry about trying to be better or trying to be something that I simply couldn't be.  She only asked that I be myself while I was with her, incredible flaws and all.

I had this dream almost twenty years ago, yet I have never forgotten that day or that girl.  I've tried to force that fantasy on others, envisioning them as something that they could never be.  I wanted the whole package, the fairy tale.  In my search, I missed the pieces of the fantasy that were being given to me - the smile from one girl, the eyes from another, the laughter and sincerity from a third.  She may be in my life already, waiting for the right timing.

She's waiting for me in the same dress and her hair is perfect.  Her hands are folded in front of her, ready for mine.  One day, our eyes will lock and we'll know immediately that the search is over.