I had a blog written and ready to go, so as not to disappoint those still reading it. But it looks like I have to get something else off my chest. This will be, I am sure, an unpopular opinion.
Being an alcoholic and attending support groups, and also having to deal with depression, I have seen my share of death. It's incredibly unfortunate, but it goes with the territory. There are some of us that will gather the strength and support to work through our issues, and others that will go the other way. The grief and remorse may be too much to bear or they won't find the support that they need before it's too late. They will find comfort in other, potentially deadlier, ways.
We simply deal with life differently. Not knowing how to cope in a healthy manner, we do things that many people find insane. Our symptoms manifest themselves through drinking and drugging, eating (or not eating), cutting, shopping or gambling or with sex (not deadly, of course, but harmful). The list goes on and on. Depending on which method is chosen, the situation may be worsened because of the stigma that's placed upon you for acting in these manners. Alcoholics and addicts don't get a lot of sympathy because people see their actions as a conscious decision to use, no matter how much pain they might be in or if they simply cannot stop on their own. Yet someone with an eating disorder will garner more sympathy because of how it manifests itself, clearly psychologically. Cutting is far worse than an eating disorder, however, because... well... because cutting is just plain crazy! Right??
Wrong.
It's amazing how far society has slipped into the "blame the victim" collective mentality. I'm not here to say that you should excuse inexcusable actions on account of, say, alcohol or drugs. But when you look deeper at what prompted these actions, depression is usually there. And this is no more apparent than when you're talking about suicide.
I feel (*I* feel... remember that... just my opinion) that it's a huge slap in the face to the victim(s) of suicide to call it a selfish act. Rather than judge the lifetime virtue of the person, we judge the person by the virtue of their final act. Actions do speak louder than words, but I feel strongly that one action should not be an epitaph. No one, NO ONE, considers suicide without being the victim of much deeper issues. Whether the brain isn't working right because of a misfire, medication, depression... the choice to commit suicide is not a logical one. It goes against our base survival instincts.
I know this may be difficult for many to understand, just like alcoholism or drug addiction or eating compulsions. I've seen some really dark places and I assure you that I didn't journey down those roads willingly. Disagree if you'd like. And I'll accept that this next statement may incense and infuriate some. I can understand a person considering suicide and thinking that it is the most SELFLESS act they could perform.
Remember, it's not logical thinking. If someone has gone far enough down that dark road, then I can imagine the thought that suicide would save their family and friends a lot of heartache and pain. "They'd be better off without me." There's no seeing that the very opposite is true when you're sitting in the dark.
Religion has taught us that suicide is a one-way ticket to hell. Society has us believing that suicide is the ultimate act of cowardice. I'm certainly not saying that families and friends don't have the right to be angry in these unfortunate circumstances. I won't invalidate their feelings by even considering that. If the person truly was special to them, then they'll work through that pain and hopefully remember what made them special in the first place.
Just consider it. That's all I'm asking.
~And I wish that I could help you
With what you hope to find
But I'm still out here waiting
Watching reruns of my life
When you reach the point of breaking
Know it's gonna take some time
To heal those broken memories
That another man would need
Just to survive~
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