And a Happy New Year

2012 was less than stellar.

Easily, the past year was one of the hardest I've ever had to face.  I saw the loss of my license due to seizures, legal problems because of the former, the loss of a wonderful job, numerous (and I mean NUMEROUS) hospital stays, my first surgery, psych wards, and a difficult to face mental health diagnosis that brought with it a roller coaster ride of medications.  Top it all off with hurt feelings, disappointment and heartache and you have a major suck-pill of a year.  So when people tell me not to dwell on the negative, it's hard not to tell them to shove it in inappropriate, naughty places.

But I'm still standing.  Within all that negativity, there was some shining positivity...

• I AM still standing.  To be honest, I'm surprised that I am upright.  After countless hospitalizations and mental health wards, I'm here and ready to tackle 2013;
• I was finally diagnosed correctly.  Years of unspecific diagnoses and incorrect medication and I finally met a few doctors who got it right.  Now that I know what I'm up against, I can make a game plan to tackle it;
• If not for one seizure, snowballing into job loss, I wouldn't have found out that I have bipolar disorder.  The job was incredible, but I'm useless if I don't get healthy first;
• New friends and old!  I met some truly amazing, strong people in 2012.  I have people in my life that understand, truly understand, what I'm going through.  Whether it be by phone, text, or e-mail, I ended the year with a team of friends that will listen to me and give me the kind of true support that I need.  Better still, I love being an ear when they need help, too.  One in particular texts me on a regular basis, just to check in, and it makes me smile every time I hear that message chime; and
• Kinship with my family... who I know I've hurt more than once.  When I look back on the previous year, the first thing that comes to mind isn't the bad.  It's the nighttime bonfire, the fun cookouts, going to the movies with my sister, the breakfasts, and walking that long walk into school with my son's hand in mine.  I couldn't ask for more.

What's next?  I have absolutely no idea and it scares me a bit.  Maybe school to find new direction?  Possibly some volunteer work to let others know that they're not alone in this mess either?  I'm not sure.  What I do know is that, if I'm to survive this, there will need to be a lot of change and pride swallowing in the upcoming 365 days.

With that, I wish everyone a very Happy New Year and I thank you for all of your support.  May you and your families find health and wonderful happiness in 2013.